The Phantom of the Opera Bloopers
by oldschoollover
Summary: Edit: NEW CHAPTER UP! just some bloopers me and my friend made a few years ago to this movie. DISCLAIMER: NOTHING IS MINE. fan-made only.
1. Blooper 1

Blooper #1  
>C: No, Raoul, please don't, they'll see.<p>

R: Well then let them see. It's an engagement, not a crime.

C: *mutters under breath lower than Raoul can hear* To Erik, it is a crime.

R: Christine, what are you afraid of?

C: Well lets see, *counts with fingers* Getting deceived by Erik, getting kidnapped by Erik, people getting killed by Erik, and being haunted by Erik. What are you afraid of?

R: Stuff simpler than that.

C: Like the dark?

R: Yes

C: Really?

R: Yes

C: Then you're lucky you're not me. Erik granted me nightmares, told me to let my darker side give in to his music, and Erik lives in darkness surrounded by candles.

D: *tosses script behind him*

Filmmaker: Ow, that hit me in the eye!

D: Woops, sorry.

Or this one.

P: Let your soul take you where you long to  
>BE!<p>

C: Ow, I'm right here, there's no need to shatter my eardrum, thank you very much. I wasn't deaf but maybe I am now.

P: Sorry.

C: And by the way, if my soul could take me where I long to *shouts in Erik's ear* BE!

P: Owwwww.

C: Then I would be in the sunshine with Raoul.

P: That man in your dressing room?

C: Yes.

P: Oh so now I have a rival who also wants to marry you.

C: You *points to him* want to marry *points to self* me?

P: Well I was getting to that part, but you interrupted me.

C: Are we some sort of love triangle or something?

P: Apparently so.

C: Wow, I think I might faint.

P: Now that's what you're supposed to do in the script

C: Just for that, I'm not fainting.

D: Oh I give up. 


	2. Blooper 2

Blooper #2  
>P: Floating, forming, sweet intoxication<br>Touch me, trust me...

C: How can I trust you? You deceived me to think that you were an Angel of Music and you kidnapped me and kill people, plus, you deceived me about 5 times during the duration of this film. How can I trust someone like that?

P: I don't know

C: Yeah, that's what I thought.

D ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Or this one

P: Let the dream begin  
>Let your darker side give in...<p>

C: Orphaned opera singers don't have dark sides cause they don't kill people and are pure.

P: Well then! Just be that way! See if I care!

C: Oh I know you care.

P: Yes I do, I care so much!

D: ...wow...


	3. Blooper 3

Blooper #3  
>P: This face the infection, which poisons our love.<p>

C: *turns around, eyes widen* Say what? Do my ears deceive me? What love are we talking about?

P: Our love.

C: I hope you mean you and that dummy you made of me.

P: No, the real you, in the living flesh.

C: Of course.

P: What

C: Can't you see that I don't love you? You scare me. I love Raoul.

P: *starts crying under breath*

R: Wow, you just got rejected by your love.

C: *whispers* Raoul, really bad time to show up.

P: If you come in here, you will die.

C: Lovely way to say I love you to me.

D: why do I even try?

This blooper is based on the book.

P: If you say yes to me, we will live a happy life together, you will be the happiest wide there is, and hundreds of people in Paris will have lives and futures. If you say no, we will all be blown up. The choice is yours. The scorpion is life, the grasshopper is death. If you don't choose, i will turn the grasshopper and we will all DIE!

C: Well geez, no pressure or anything.


	4. Blooper 4

Mini blooper #1  
>P: And though you turned from me<br>to glance behind

C: I only turned from you for about 2 seconds to wonder how things would have turned out if I had stayed and if some people will be worried about my sudden disappearance, but you just have to go ahead and be so offended, don't you?

P&D: ...

Mini Blooper #2  
>R: But every hope, and every prayer<br>Rests on you, now.

C: Well geez, no pressure or anything. Yeah, that's exactly the kind of confidence I need right now. Just tell me that everything that we've ever done rests in my hands because of Erik. You're such a nice childhood sweetheart.

D: Oh my...Christine... Will you follow the script!

Blooper #4  
>R: You said yourself<br>He was nothing but a man

C: Yes, but a big scary man.

D: Why are you talking?

C: Well he is.

D: You don't have to say that out loud.

C: Well, I just want to set Raoul straight on what kind of man Erik is to me.

D: Oh gosh.  
>Start again Raoul.<p> 


	5. Blooper 5

P: You have come here  
>for one purpose and one alone<p>

C: Against my will

P: Excuse me?

C: You brought me here against my will.

P: Can you just let me finish what I was saying?

C: No. When were you going to tell me that you locked me in my room with no way out but in your direction?

P: uhhhh...

C: Or that my "wonderful Angel of Music" first heard me sing through a hole?

D: Christine, just follow the script and go with the flow. Geez, is that so hard?

C: Depends.

D: *closes eyes and puts hand on forehead* Start again. 


	6. Blooper 6

P: Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams...

C: You're granting me nightmares? What kind of Angel of Music are you?

P: The kind that wants you to love me but is receiving unrequited love in return.

C: And is that really my problem?

P: Yes, it is actually.

C: What kind of person grants me nightmares out of love?

P: The kind who's had a terrible past and has lived under the opera for a long time.

C: That's not normal at all.

P: Who said I was?

C: No one

P: Exactly

C: Could you at least try to be normal?

P: But then I would be all boring like that man in your room.

C: Raoul is not boring! Just for that, I will never love you. *Christine gets out of the boat and tries to open the locked gate*

P: * runs to Christine really fast, grabs her arm and falls on knees before her and starts sobbing* No! Christine, why? *sobs*

D: You're not supposed to reject Erik yet!

C: When can I reject him?

D: At the end of the movie!

C: Why can't I reject him now? To get the pain over with?

D: You're supposed to be so hypnotized by him and where he's taken you that you don't speak!

C: Wait, so now's he's a Phantom/Opera Ghost, Angel of Music, my music teacher, AND a hypnotist? That's a lot to handle!

D: Follow the script, for crying out loud!

C: No one cares about your script.

D: Do you want me to fire you?

C: WHAT?

D: Go back stage and meditate so we can start the take again.

C: *sighs* okay then,*walks away*


	7. Blooper 7

P: YOU WILL CURSE THE DAY YOU DID NOT DO... (Takes that long pause in the movie and accidently swallows a fly)  
>*cough, cough, cough, ack* *clutches chest* *cough, cough*<p>

D: Are you okay?

P: I swallowed a fly, *cough, ack* *mask falls over ledge on roof* AHHHHHH! MY MASK CAME OFF! AHHHH!

D: I'll send down people to fetch it. Geez.

P: *cough, cough* Ugh, I need some water. *jumps off statue, lands, and trips over shoelace, falling into the snow, flat on face* *grunts*

D: Well, there's the water for you. Snow is frozen water. And...ACTION!

P: Are you kidding me? I don't have a mask and I'm covered with snow.

D: Ummmm, here, use this, *shoves more snow in Erik's face* that could be your mask. Just brush some of the snow off and you'll look perfectly normal.

P: In what world? *blows snow off face into director's eyes* I'm not doing this scene again till I get water and my mask back.

D: *grunts* Alright. *sighs* 


	8. Blooper 8

Blooper #6  
>P: As for our star, Miss Christine Daae.<p>

C: (looks around anxiously) don't look at me. I'm not the star.

P: Yes you are

C: No Carlotta is. I'm just an orphan who is being haunted by a phantom, nothing special.

P: Why can't you just love me Christine?

C: I can't love you if you scare me.

P: Do you want a hug? (Moves closer to Christine)

R: Get away from her! (Draws sword)

C: You almost let him get me Raoul, again!

R: Stay behind me Christine!

P: My sword is much bigger and shinier than yours will ever be!

C: *mutters under breath* Here we go again Can't you guys talk in a none violent manner?

P&R: No chance!

C: I figured as much.

D: CUT! Why did you talk out of turn Christine?

C: Wouldn't you feel uncomfortable if anxious eyes were staring at you just because a guy says your name?

D: Well, then, you can act anxious but don't change the script. Erik doesn't fight Raoul until later on.

C: *sighs* Ok, I guess.

D: Christine is reasonable, unlike you guys.

P&R: (i don't know how to spell this) excuse-moi

D: Just start from the beginning of that scene. And...ACTION!


	9. Blooper 9

(Christine and Raoul are on the roof singing All I Ask of You while the Phantom is spying on them)

R: Let me be your shelter  
>Let me be your light<br>You're safe  
>No one will find you<br>Your fears are far behind you

P: (Runs from the his hiding place) Ah ha! I finally found you Christine!

C: How's that theory working for you Raoul?

R: You're REAL?

P: I'm taking Christine as my wife and there's nothing you can do about it!

R: Over my dead body!

P: I can arrange that for you.

R: Ahhh! (Phantom and Raoul start fist fighting)

C: Can someone please tell me how my fears are far behind me? (Phantom and Raoul start stepping on each others feet and knocking each other over.)

D: CUT! Why did you come out from hiding, Erik?

P: Do you think I can just stand there calmly while this punk is singing to my one true love?

R: WHAT? WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PUNK, YOU DEFORMED GHOST?

C: Ooooh that must have hurt.

P: At least I know how to earn her love for me! Can you? I don't think so!

C: Oh, I feel special now.

R: Yeah, because nothing says I love you like committing murder.

P: You take that back!

R: Why don't you make me?

C: Wow... this is very awkward.

D: BREAK IT UP YOU TWO! BREAK IT UP ALREADY! GEEZ!

P&R: But...we...uh...him

D: Just follow the script! Don't get THAT deep into character. Your other goal was not to scare Christine in this scene. Now, did you do that?

P&R: but...but...but...*grunts*

D: Take two! 


	10. Blooper 10

R: No Christine wait!  
>Wait!<p>

C: Raoul!

R: Whatever you believe, this man, this thing is not your father.

C: *gasp*

P: *gasps for air* can't...get...on...big...gravestone... (Finally makes it to the top) I made it! Finally!

R: (chucks a rock at Erik's head and Erik falls off and hits the director, which makes the director fall into the snow)

P: Nooooo...!

D: *brushes snow off self* is it too much to ask for the director to come out unscathed at the end of filming the movie?

P: Apparently to Raoul, it is.

D: No back sass, mister!

P: Geez loweez, sorry. I'm just making a statement

D: Why couldn't you get up the gravestone?

P: There was no ladder and that was a big gravestone.

D: *grunts* Oh my gosh!


	11. Blooper 11

(Raoul gets cut by the phantom's sword)

Raoul: I can't believe you Erik! You ruined my white shirt! Let's see how you like it when your shirt is stained!

Director: What's wrong with you?

Raoul: I don't want this shirt to be stained!

Director: It's a costume in the movie!

Raoul: Don't you want me to be deep in character?

Director: Well don't shout that out loud! Just follow the script!

Raoul: Ok, geez, chill out.

Director: *grunt* Get a new shirt, Raoul and we'll do the take again. *sigh*


	12. Blooper 12

Erik/Christine:  
>Our spirit and (myyour) voice  
>In one combined<br>The Phaaaaaaa... (Erik leans over too far and the boat falls over)

Christine: Geez Erik, you made me break yet another nail!

Erik: That's what nail filers are for!

Director: Erik, why did you move?

Erik: There was a beetle on my shoe

Director: Oh gosh, Erik, beetles are SOOO scary!

Erik: How would you feel if that beetle was on you, huh?

Director: I'd flick it off.

Erik: Well, I can't do that when I'm singing and holding a big stick at the same time.

Director: The bug is dead now so start the scene again after Christine files her nail, (Geez, they don't pay me enough to do this job.)


	13. Blooper 13

Erik: This is indeed an impeller,(or w/e he says) delight. (Up the stairs)  
>I had rather hoped that you would come<br>and now my... (Tumble back down the stairs)

Ow owww (trip, tumble, tumble, crash into Christine)

Christine: Owww, he made me break a nail

Director: CUT!

Or this one:

Raoul: Christine, Christine, let me see her

Erik: Raoul, did you forget to put your contacts in again? You shouldn't be this blind.

Raoul: You know, I think one of them fell out when I almost drowned.

Erik: Well, that's not my problem. Tsk, tsk, tsk for you.

Director: WHAT WAS THAT!

Erik/Raoul: (...)


	14. Blooper 14

P: So, do you end your days with me?  
>Or do you send him to his grave?<p>

C: Can't I just stay single?

P: No

C: Can I become a nun? I could pray for my father every day.

P: You have to marry someone in this cave.

C: Ok, then I pick... that man behind the chair

P: What man?

C: Johnny Depp.

J: Uh, pay no attention to the man behind the chair.


	15. Blooper 15

R: Christine! Rescue me! He's gonna tie me up and possibly kill me!

C: Yea, well, see, I would, Raoul, but you see, there's a big lake in the way and I don't want to get this nice little dress wet.

R: So you'd rather me die than get your dress wet? Have you no heart?

C: I don't like your attitude Raoul. Maybe I should just choose the poto.

P: Finally she comes to her senses!

R: (horrified and revolted) WHAT?

C: You can't deny the poto is talented at making pretty dresses.

R: You'd choose the dress over me?

C: You'd've killed him for staining your favorite shirt had I not stopped you.

R: But this is my manly shirt!

C: So are you saying that everything else you own is feminine?

R: What's that supposed to mean?

C: (shocked) YOU'RE A TRANSVESTITE! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN IT WAS SO OBVIOUS!

R: Of all the ridiculous-!

C: Ok, ugly duck, I guess I'm going with u.

P: Yes!

R: But I've worked so hard to free you!

P: (to Christine) You've passed the point of no return

C: (thinks) *sigh I guess I have to get the pretty dress wet now* (gets in water and kisses him)

R: So you'll get the dress wet to kiss him but not to save me?

C: Raoul I got the dress wet and kissed him to save you but since you are obviously ungrateful, I'll leave you to the gallows. C'mon Erik.

R: Noooo...!

P: The Music of the Night will never end! Mwahahaha! (kills Raoul)

C: Finally, he shuts up.

(You know you wanted to see him die)


	16. Blooper 16

**I just recently made this. I just got the idea while watching Ramin at POTO at Royal Albert Hall. It's really short.**

P: Help me make the music of the night! *waves hand in front of her face* Um, the music of the night! *holds mirror in front of her mouth* Breathe! Be alive! *gives her CPR* Live!

C: *wakes up* Oh my gosh, Erik, let me get my beauty sleep! You know how much of that I need!

P: Sorry, Christine, I thought you were dead

C: I only fainted, geez. You seem to be the Angel of Melodrama. Good night. *starts snoring*

P: *cries* So hurtful….

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

P: *wakes up at 2 am* Rise and shine! The early bird gets the worm! *jumps up and down* Christine! Wakey wakey.

C: *asleep*

P: *blares organ* CHRISTINE!

C: *screams and gets a heart attack* Jesus Christ, Erik, it's 2 am! Why the heck did you wake me up? You almost gave me a heart attack! Then no one would be able to sing your music!

P: I'm sorry, Angel, I just wanted to play.

C: *rolls eyes* Just shut it, I'm going back to sleep. *falls asleep instantly*

P: Awww, Christine, I wanted to play! I'm bored! Fine! *goes to sleep*

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

P: *wakes up at 7 am* Wake up Christine! *blares organ again*

C: *stays asleep*

P: Oh c'mon! Wake up already! *keeps blaring organ*

C: *still asleep*

P: What does it take? WAKE UP!

C: *monkey box goes off softly, Christine wakes up*

P: Wow…


	17. Blooper 17

**Was just watching POTO 2004 and got this idea. And I just saw POTO at Unionville last night too **

P: If pride would let her return to me, her teacher *jabs himself in chest*, HER TEACHER!

C: Ow, gosh, Erik, you don't have to shout! How many times have I told you?

Director: Christine, walk up the stairs.

C: Don't tell me what to do, Joel. Why should I walk up the stairs?

D: Because you're supposed to now.

C: But Erik didn't tell me to walk up the stairs.

P: Do you not see that my arms are spread out in a big, "Come to Papa!" gesture?

C: Oh, was that my cue? And I'm supposed to not run away in the other direction with Raoul?

D: Christine….

C: Ok, fine. *walks up stairs, starts hyperventilating*

D: Now what?

C: What? I'm just trying to act like I'm in a trance! Leave me alone!

D: *sigh*

Both reach stairs. Erik grabs the chain in her chest.

C: *punches Erik*. OH MY GOSH ERIK! Was that really necessary?

P: It's in the script and now I think my jaw's broken.

C: Joel! Why did you put this in the script!

D: He's supposed to take your engagement ring obviously.

C: Well, he could have asked!

D: And would you really have given it to him if he said, "Oh, Christine, can I have your engagement ring please?"

C: Yes I would have because he would have asked nicely.

D:….just keep going….

P: Your chains are still mine! You belong to me!

C: *knees him in the groin* WHAT? I DON'T BELONG TO ANYBODY AND YOU SPAT IN MY FACE! NOW I'M GOING TO GET YOUR PHANTOM DISEASE! EWWWWWW!

D: Christine, calm the heck down!

P: *crying, high-pitched voice* Ow….. *waddles away back down the stairs*

Andrew Lloyd Webber: *crying* You guys are ruining my perfect play! *throws a fit*

C: For one, it was never originally yours….

D: Please just shut it Christine….


	18. Blooper 18

**Got this idea from watching the movie again. Little short, but enjoy. **

R: *kicks snow in Erik's face and prepares to stab him*

C: No Raoul! No, not like this…

R: *whines*, Ohhhhhh, why not, Christine?

C: Yes,Raoul, let's just stab the man who's been giving me singing lessons and allowing me to sing as awesomely as I do. If it weren't for him, I'd be croaking like Carlotta and you wouldn't love me.

P: *curses* I should've not taught her then.

R: WHAT WAS THAT?

C: Seriously, Raoul, he's lying there freaking defenseless! You just wanna kill him because he stained your shirt.

R: But this is my favorite shirt, as I've said before! I wanna stain his shirt too!

C: *grabs Raoul's sword* What an idiot! How did I ever fall in love with you! *jumps on the horse and rides away*

P: *gets up. Raoul and Erik look at each other awkwardly*

R: So….

P: *punches him* Stupid fop…


	19. Blooper 19

**Enjoy**

C: You have brought me to that moment when words run dry. To that moment when speech disappears into silence… *keeps singing, looks at Raoul as if to say, "You're an idiot. He's right there next to me. How could I have let you do this? If you don't do something right now, I'm gonna kill you."*

R: *freaks out* OMG, she's looking at me with that, "I'm gonna kill you" glare! I think that's him! EVERYONE GET READY!


End file.
